Another Day in Paradise

A few thoughts on being on vacation here in Waikiki:

1) When you are on vacation with your wife, you can do whatever you want. Let me rephrase that – and shame on you for where your minds went. When you are on vacation, and it’s just the two of you, you have no responsibilities.

Take today. Slept in. Ate late. Strolled along the beach. Took a nap. Realized that we should probably have supper. Went to a little hole in the wall with great food and better music. Finished the day at a frozen yogurt place where they charge you by the pound. Life is good.

2) My wife loves to shop. Shopping for her is like sports for me. She gets all psyched up for it. Talks strategies. Stretches out. Puts the dark smudges under her eyes so the sun isn’t a distraction. Starts trash talking the women around her.

Frankly, she’s a bit scary.

Me, I detest shopping. Just the thought of it makes my back hurt and my head start throbbing. It ranks right between root canal and legislative debates … in French.

This creates a dilemma, because spending time with her ranks pretty high on my list of things I like to do. So, what do I, as a good husband, do when she asks me to go shopping?

Today, I took a nap.

3) You may be under the impression that people who go to the beach in Waikiki -possibly the most famous beach in the world – are all beautiful, hard-bodied gods and goddesses.

You would be mistaken.

4) Paradise is a funny place. On the same street, you have stores that sell Prada and Gucci (yes, I know what these brands are, because – most of the time – I am wandering around with my loving wife. Did you know that you can buy a purse that costs over $1000? My first car cost me $625. It could hold considerably more than the purse.) and, just a few steps away, you have homeless people sleeping on the sidewalk and street vendors hawking their wares. I know it’s probably me, but is there something wrong with this picture?

5) I had this overwhelming urge to open the drapes of my hotel room window and yell “Hello, world. Here I am.” Oh, I had just stepped out of the shower and wasn’t wearing much. Or anything, really. Got to watch this “no responsibilities” thing or I’ll end up going viral on Youtube.

6) I sat out on the lanai today. Lanai is Hawaiian for “call it a lanai because lounging on the lanai sounds a lot cooler than sitting out on the balcony on a couple of crappy chairs does.” That’s marketing, my friends.

I’m sure I’ll have even more pearls of wisdom as really get into the vacation thing.

Oh, and one more wise thought: when your laptop says your battery is at 3%, you should really

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